I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
