I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
