I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize