You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
