Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
