he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
