girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize