There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
