genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize