and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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