I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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