I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
