dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
