Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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