we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
