Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
