I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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