Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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