I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
