if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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