just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize