How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
