Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
