i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
