he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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