i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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