just come out here and I will go home with you...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
