I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
