Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
