i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
