I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
