She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize