Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
