so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
