I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
