Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
