what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
