These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
