Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
