a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
