i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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