I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
