Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
