He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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