So drunk its hurt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
