oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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