I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
