I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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