I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
