I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
