So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
