Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize