tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
