Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
