i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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