Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
