Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
