everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
