bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
