are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
