I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
