Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
