Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
