we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
