Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
