He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
