So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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