I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
