i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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