I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
