I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've blown a few things in my day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
