Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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